it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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