pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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