I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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