I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
