Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
