Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
