The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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