I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
