I smell stomach acid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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