i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
