What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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