hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
