It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
