I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
