She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
