I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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