i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
