It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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