I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
