How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
