sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
