We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
