Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
