toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Drunk is not a location!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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