Betty ford says i'm here all night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
