If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
