He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
