I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
