that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize