At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
