Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
