Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
