3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
