where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
