Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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