I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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