I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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