She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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