I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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