I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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