right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
