forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
