i barfeds in our rink
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
