I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
