Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
