And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
