Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
