One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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