I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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