is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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