Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
