you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
