I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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