I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
