I cockslap morals
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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