I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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