Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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