Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
