my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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