I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We need to get me chipped asap
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
