To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's always time for handjobs
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
