are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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