i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
