I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
