i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
