You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
