she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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