peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
