Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
