I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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