apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
