idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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