Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
