Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
