Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
