I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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