Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
