Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We talked him into tasing himself.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
