I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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